YOU NEED TO KNOW: WHOLE IS BETTER THAN PERFECT

SINCE PERFECTION IS A MESSY MOVING TARGET, LET’S DECIDE THAT OUR LIVES ARE ENTIRELY TOO BEAUTIFULLY FULL TO GO OFF CHASING IT. LET’S REMEMBER THAT WHOLE IS BETTER THAN PERECT.

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How are you doing?

Also, how much are you doing?

Right now, I know we are all just doing entirely way too much. Way way too much. We have become all the things to all the people in a way that is completely unsustainable and also entirely necessary to sustain and you know what?

Look at you! Here. Living in it. Standing up. 

You are freaking amazing.

Look at you making huge decisions about school this year: in person, virtual, through the county, private, homeschool…

Look at you protecting your family by making sure everyone has masks and hand sanitizer on the rare occasions that you actually venture out into the populated word. 

Look at you feeding your humans the 470000 times that small humans seem to need to eat per day.

(The nerve!)

And keeping your house standing and your car running and your office responsibilities somewhat on track and the dogs fed and the litter box changed and all of it!

Do you know how loved and appreciated you are? 

Because as another Momma living on this rock with you, I want to say personally, thank you for everything that you are doing to make society function. 

Quick reminder, though: if you aren’t refilling your own cup, then it’s ok completely necessary to let some of these things slide a little to find the margin for restoration. 

Perfect is a total lie, and I see so many of you amazing women out there striving for perfect. 

Perfect just hangs out in the universe as this ugly moving target, taunting us and driving us to distraction.

While excellence is dandy, perfection will slay a dream in no time.

Whole is better than perfect.

I’m noticing that as more and more changes have come at us since March, the folks bearing the brunt of the emotional work to adjust and carry on are the women.

Right? Have you seen this as well?

It definitely feels a whole lot like men are making choices and women are carrying the burden.

When schools are opting for digital instruction, the conversation turns immediately to, “Well how will working moms handle this?” as though it’s not a challenge that could even be faced by working men. 

No, the assumption is right. We will step up (somehow!) and add full time teaching to our list of daily responsibilities.

When going to the store seemed daunting, women masked up and procured those paper products for our beloveds.

I see mostly women leading the fruitful conversations around social justice. The conversations that don’t shy away from hard and deliver truth because it’s a loving thing to do. 

It’s exhausting.

Here we are. Showing up, morning after morning, holding it all together and staving off the emotional reckoning with funny facebook memes too much tik tok. 

I just want to encourage you to shift from the day-to-day mindset that has brought so many of us through to this point to a bigger picture, longer term strategy that involves maybe some healthier, more sustainable coping strategies.

We need you to be whole. Whole is sustainable. A whole woman can bring joy to her bazillions of tasks because she has shown herself the grace of expected imperfection and the love of self exploration and discovery. Whole is better than perfect.

When so many of us went into our homes and shut our doors a few months ago, we did so believing that we could take BIG short term actions that would save our futures. But not all of us did that. 

So here we are, trying to still pile on big action after big action, and it’s becoming pretty clear that this isn’t the short term lifestyle that we hoped in this country.

I just want you to know that as you are in this world, stacking more and more on those dancing plates you are carrying around, it’s ok to put some down. 

It’s ok to change them out for something else that brings you more peace. 

CHECK OUT: MAKE PEACE WITH FOOD

If whole is better than perfect, try swapping these in:

Let the house be a little messy so you can go for a run with the sun on your face and filthy rap in your ears. (Just me?)

The kids will be just fine if today’s lesson came straight from the discovery channel so that you could drink your coffee in peace outside and write in your journal. 

Scrunch your hair into a messy bun instead of fixing it today so you can take 40 minutes and watch Andy Cohen navigate the delicious mess that is a Real Housewives reunion. 

Whatever it is, real world badass, dear athlete, that will make the weight seem a bit less heavy as we settle in here, give yourself the permission to do whatever it takes to feel like a whole woman. The kind that gives and takes. The kind who looks after her people and herself. 

Because whole is better than perfect. 

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